A Miracle On The Way

Our family is growing!

We are expecting a baby in June! A baby we’ve hoped and cried and prayed for many, many times.

Chase cannot wait to be a big brother. (Once again our sweet Sadie is clueless.)  We do not know the sex of the baby and are not planning to find out but Chase is 100 percent convinced this baby is a boy. And, according to Chase, the baby’s name will be Thomas the Train. Choo choo!

I am currently 19 weeks pregnant and while I would’ve loved to have shared our news weeks ago, I’ve felt incredibly scared, apprehensive, protective and anxious throughout this pregnancy. After a wonderful 18-week appointment last week, I felt myself exhale for the first time after what’s felt like a four month rollercoaster of emotions ranging from intense hope, joy and elation to fear and overwhelming anxiety.

But now, at four months pregnant, we’ve seen our baby many times. Heard its strong heartbeat many times. Seen our baby kicking, punching and dancing up a storm many times. I still find myself wondering when this pregnancy will feel 100 percent real. Perhaps it won’t feel real until the very moment I’ve hoped and prayed for: The moment when I get to hold this precious baby in my arms.

As I share this news, my heart is so full and so incredibly grateful. It’s filled with all the joy that comes along with expecting a baby – a baby we’ve deeply longed and prayed intently for – but it’s also so acutely aware that the baby we’ve seen dancing around during our ultrasounds wouldn’t be growing in my belly right now if we had the two babies we lost and loved with all of our hearts.

I cannot wait to wrap this little one up in my arms in June and fall even more in love with the incredible life growing in my belly right now.

Thank you so much for all of the love, support and prayers you’ve sent our way. We’ve felt all of them and we are so incredibly grateful.

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There is a huge part of my heart that shares this news that is so incredibly aware of how it likely affects those of you who may be struggling with infertility, a recent loss and an ache and longing for a baby that is currently unfulfilled. Every pregnancy or birth announcement I read following our two miscarriages over the past year – especially those that overlapped our due dates or came after our due dates – felt like such a poignant reminder of what I was missing, what I lost and what I wanted so strongly deep within my heart. I know firsthand there’s nothing anyone can say to take away the ache you feel, your sadness and your desire for a child, whether its your first or your fifth, but I just want to recognize you, send you whatever kind of comfort and love I possibly can and tell you that my heart is with you.

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